don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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