Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
