I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
