like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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