just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
