I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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