I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
