Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
