i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
