love makes seman taste better
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
