You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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