you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
