I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
