The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
