He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
