it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize