hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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