I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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