Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
