Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
