I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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