She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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