That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
