I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
