We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I need moral support for this bender
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Randomize
