sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
