And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she pinky promised me she was 18
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
