You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
