who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
