I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
