Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
