Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
