GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
