If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
