so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
