I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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