i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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