You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
