Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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