Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
