dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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