I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
