Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
