Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
