This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
