ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
