I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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