I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I will pee on everything he values.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
