She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
