I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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