I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
