Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
