i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
