Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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