I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
