Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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