Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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