I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
