oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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