i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
