hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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