Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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