Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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