I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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