I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
