this just has baby written all over it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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