drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
