So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
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