I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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