hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
