I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
